Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Moment......smh



Growing up through life without a blueprint except for The Blueprint 1, 2, and now 3 aint easy.  I second guess lessons like I aint write the lesson plans for it.  I just be looking for a guarantee in an indefinite world.  And plus those aint my blueprints anyway.  My brother last name Carter...not mine.  So yes this is my admittance to not knowing it all.  No I didn't trip you, but I still didn't prevent the fall.  We spoke recently about it.  You said your leg don't hurt but your heart do.  I don't feel worthy of a man to stand next to you.  I think back to laying next to you.  Looking in your eyes.  Taking in that feeling and you know what I'm talking about.  Deeper than being on top of you. Or on the side of you.  And yes deeper than being in back of you.  I felt it while you was upstairs and I was in the courtyard.  You had a different view so I just picked one of the many Rs and imagined it was yours.

Recent days feel like ages ago since these current events.  Wondering how I'm gonna face you cross my mind but shit I don't even know if you wanna see me.  Part of me wishes this was TV, at least ill have a week till the next episode.  But without asking I know thursdays are now on hold.  Or shit...cancelled forever for all I know.  All I know is that I never meant for any of this to happen.  I was just following true emotions.  Never thinking that I would fuck up the moment.

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